I wrote this close to the date of 12/20, the first month home. I am just now getting around to posting this, even though we are getting close to the two month mark of being home.
This is written for my daughter, Flora Lin, on our family blog of memories.
To tell you about this first month, I need to share a story of my own.
I was riding a horse once that was a little cantankerous at times. Before I could end our ride on a good note, he quickly reared up, which unseated me, and then bucked immediately! I almost recovered my seat, but the buck took care of the rest of it, and I went sailing over his head. As I was sailing over his head, seething that he "got me," I found that I STILL had the reins in my hands!!! I was still in the game, hanging on! I wasn't giving up this easy! As I made impact with the ground, I was probably even smiling a little... I still had the last word and I wasn't letting go! : )
This story may be about me, but dear daughter, it describes a part of your personality, too! Flora Lin, we are so alike, you could not be MORE my daughter if you had been born of my own body! I had to tell this story becuase it reminds me so much of the fire I see in you! Your life has put so many things in your path that would have ordinarily given evil the last word, but you are a fighter and determined to make it and make it with a smile on your face! When I finally heard the Katy Perry song, "Roar" (it was no longer cool by the time I heard it, to be honest, and I am no Katy Perry fan), you were what I first thought of. I am also probably the only person who cries happy tears when they hear that song! You won't let the hard things pull you down. Sure, they've hurt you and you have some walls up still, but your sweet and spicy personaility is showing out more and more every day! When I first met you, you were pale, head covered in the worst cradle cap I had seen, with calloused hands and feet that no baby should have. When I put my arms around you for the first time I felt such an awful rattle in your chest from an illness that the orphanage worker would never have mentioned to me had I not asked. It was brushed off as "a little cough," and I almost came unglued right then and there when I was told that. It was so hard to see such a beautiful little flower like you covered up with so much neglect.
Someone at your orphanage loved you, that is certain. You bear the signs of that. No one loved YOU completely enough, though... Sure, you needed lotion rubbed on your little body after each bath, someone to teach you to brush your teeth, medicine for your scalp and antibiotics for your illness, but we all need so much more than that to thrive. Flora Lin, your Papa and I love you more than you will ever know. We did everything we could to have you as our daughter, but even all of that love will not be enough. I hope one day you will know God's love for you. Right now, you sweetly sign "Jesus" with your baby soft hands that have been rubbed with lotion daily. Even today, you wanted to look at the "Jesus Book," (that's how you sign it) instead of playing. I hope your faith will continue to grow and that little hole that we all have will finally be filled with His love.
Your little body has changed so much. You came to us in complete shock. You were pale and unsteady and so slow to move or respond. Your gaze stayed down and purple circles hung under your eyes. Though you were not "skinny" you had so little muscle tone. Your hair was dull and rough. So rough and dry that it broke off when I brushed it. Your head hung down no matter what you did. Had it not been for your sister's presence and happy disposition, I am sure you would have been so terrified of us that you would have only screamed or slept.
But sweetheart, that's NOT who you are! It is not who you ever were!
Now the rattle in your chest is only a story I tell, your little hands and feet are soft and clean, your eyes are bright and clear and sparkling! Your hair is beginning to soften and shine and hold a bow (which makes you SO happy!), your skin is the prettiest color and you can climb and run and jump and give your sister a good whack in the head with a toy when she bosses you! ; ) You help care for the farm every day, and though you get so mad at me for "encouraging" you to walk through tall grass, toddle over lumpy ground, carry a bitty bucket of horse feed and climb climb CLIMB steps here and there and everywhere, YOU CAN DO IT! God knew what He was doing when He brought us together as mother and daughter as we are both made of FIRE and we each push the other to be better. You have changed me as a person and a mom for the better. I thank God for you and for that!
Speaking of change, I have seen so many examples of that over the past month. You came to us only making little peeps and grunts, which we expected with an open palate. You came to us only eating one bowl of congee and five bottles of formula a day. You came to us only having lived your life in one building, a few rooms and a little outdoor play area.
Flora Lin, you are singing and signing and speaking english! Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star, The Clean Up Song and Jingle Bells are your favorite songs to sing. You are trying to learn Itsy Bitsy Spider and Jesus Loves Me right now. At first, when we signed and asked you to sign, I think you thought we were just trying to make you dance the Macarena for food, and you'd do whatever, but now you UNDERSTAND and sign back unprompted! Your first understood signs were "more," "eat" and "cat." Your first words were "eat" and "cat" and "uh-oh!" You are now wanting to talk instead of sign, though you sign, really, really well! I originally wanted to list all of the signs you now know and use on this post, but there are so many I can't remember them all!!! Maybe close or over 100?! It amazes me what you have learned in such a short time - two different languages, basically (English and signing)! Soon, we'll have your surgery and then I know there will be no stopping the flow of words that will come from your mouth! I can't wait!
When we heard your were only eating one bowl of congee and bottles of formula, we considered being cautious in what we might give you to eat, but only for a second! You have eaten nearly everything we have given you with reckless abandon! We were afraid with your open palate, but as long as the food was soft or dissolved quickly, you enjoyed it! I will note that you are not incredibly fond of water and you HATE lima beans (ask your Papa about the tray of beans that went flying by his head at lunch one day-oh yes!), but you like most everything else. Sweet potatoes, noodles, crackers, peas, pumpkin pie, juice and milk are your favorites, though I can't really test you on sweets right now until we get some other things straightened out. We've gotten you some medicine for your tummy, which has helped with some concerns we had and I am certain makes you feel better! It is a joy to watch you eat and learn to feed yourself! You do a great job for a first-timer!
Outside is a place that you have learned to enjoy. The wind, cold and bright sun were hard on you at first, and you were so upset with me for asking you to walk so much and over such uneven terrain on our daily outdoor activities. At first, smiling and being outside did NOT go together. God has blessed you with a sister who gives you confidence (and blessed her with a little sister that helps her to be a better leader). You would watch the fun that she was having, how fast she was going, what she was jumping off of, playing with or touching and you just couldn't let yourself be left out! I am thankful for your determination and for your courage in conquering so many new things! You carry a little bucket with chicken or horse feed in it when you "help" me around the farm. You have no fear of the chickens, and like to go in the pen, feed them little leaves or ferns through the fence and carry the empty waterers that need to be refilled.
You enjoy poking hay through the fence for the horses, hollering to let us all know when you've found an ant pile and dumping the different kinds of horse feeds into the buckets for me. You count "One, two, three!" before you "run" down any sort of hill/slope in the ground. Now, when I ask if anyone wants to go outside, you are willing to leave your snack unfinished (can I get a 'hooray!' from all of the other adoptive parents out there?!), amble down the steps and grab your shoes to be put on.
Sometimes you want my help and other times you DO NOT WANT MAMA'S HELP... Some days you squeal and laugh as you take my offered hand and other days you look at me as if my hand is covered in some awful disease. It is a challenge for sure, but whatever you feel, you feel it completely. The unhappy moments are passing more and more quickly and when you laugh it is the loudest, happiest belly laugh I have ever heard!!! Your favorite things are eating, your Papa, Charlotte, bathtime, whatever Charlotte likes/is doing, helping/watching the chickens, doing puzzles and playing in your little house.
I'm so thankful for you, you little spitfire! You are often a mirror of my own self, my own heart. Like the meaning of your Chinese name, Miao Lin, you are wonderful... a pretty piece of jade! And you are my daughter! Change only as God directs you to grow, but don't ever try and be anyone other than Florence Joy Miao Lin. She is perfect just as God made her.
If you'd like to hear Flora Lin's theme song (of sorts), click the link below and it will take you to a video. She's a fighter. You ARE going to hear her roar in the future!
This will be a wonderful thing for her to read when she is able. Thank you for posting this.
ReplyDeleteBawling for this one! Love this little princess and all her sassy, spicy, fire! So thankful that my spitfire girl was priviledge to fall in love with your little sweetheart! God continues to write an amazing story through the lives of your two darling girls!! Thank you for sharing.
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