Day 18 (Trip to Park, Free Day)

We had nothing scheduled for today except a little sightseeing, which we were glad of, as we felt that too much "here and there" leaves FL very overstimulated to the point were she shuts down and then falls apart later once she feels safe again.  We thought that the gardens would be a nice, peaceful place for our family to enjoy without overstimulating FL, but when we got there we saw this:

 

A garden on steroids.

Yes, that is the Beatles right there... not exactly the quiet, peaceful walk through a botanical garden I envisioned, but we thought we'd give it a try.  C was alllll about the bright colors and sounds and couldn't get enought of these big statue things that were covered in silk and gold trim.

Ergo Up!  It is so much easier to carry the girls around in these, and makes for good bonding time.  This was Sam's first time using the Ergo, as C was attached to me first (I am also back in first place with her again after a short run by Sam).  C is always happy to get in it and happy to get out of it (we usually both are : ) ) and FL did just fine in the carrier, though it is hard to tell what she thought.

You'll also notice that C has new shoes (we couldn't find any we liked in FL's size) which is good because the slippers are not waterproof, and C is a girl on the go, where as FL is not quite running yet.

The gardens had some really pretty views:

 

It was not as big as I thought, and if I had known, I would have taken my time and explored a little bit more.  This was a place where I would not have minded if the guide had left us and given us a time period to be done.  She stayed, and that was fine, but I'll take the time to mention something here that has been really bothering me.  The only way I have been able to handle it is to just let it go (please, no singing).  

Our guide is organized, smart, on top of the paperwork and VERY familiar with the process.  She will tell you what she thinks, but is also very willing to help.  I am glad she is our guide, BUT she is VERY, VERY partial to one of my daughters.  In a way, I understand it.  This daughter is very smart, charming, happy and social.  Most children that are adopted that our guide sees probably aren't usually this happy go lucky (she really is - it's crazy!) and well-adjusted at this stage, but our daughter is.  To top it off, in this country, everything about her is considered exteremly beautiful: lighter hair, "perfect" shaped mouth (apparently people get plastic surgery to make their mouth like hers), big eyes, lighter skin heart-shaped face and she is an extrovert that LOVES attention.  I haven't seen an unattractive child on our entire trip and though I think both my daughters are very beautiful, but I had NO IDEA that this daughter is what she apparently is here.  We first noticed it in her province when people were stopping and taking pictures with her, stopping and telling us how beautiful she was, kissing her (yes, while she was in the ergo attached to me) and staring more than the normal stare (y'all who've been here know what I'm talking about).  My other daughter is beautiful, but she has some things that are different about her physically.  Also, she has several layers of hurt that are built up that prevent us from seeing her wonderful personality in the fullest.  One of my daughters is so easy to love.  You can't NOT love her (ok, sometimes her drama over a piece of lint on her stockings is a little much).  My other daughter struggles to eat, sleep, communicate and cope.  She moves, talks and acts unnaturally sometimes.  She shuts down.  

Our guide almost ignores one daughter and lavishes attention of the other, even giving her treats and taking her from me and walking with her at times.  She talks nonstop about how beautiful, smart and happy she is.  My other daughter gets a smile from her now and then, but nothing else. 

Our guide is not a bad person.  She's human and responding to a cute, loving little girl when most of the children she sees don't even respond  to her.  There's a reason I am telling you this.   I struggle with it too sometimes and if you are going to be around our family, you might, as well.  Prepare yourself.  

Both of our daughters need so much love.  BOTH of them.  The hardest things about getting two together   (though I am certain it was the right thing for us) is dividing my time and attention.  One reaches for my hand constantly, sings with me, calls me Mama, enjoys pretty things, the other sturggles to balance when walking, is afraid to sleep, has more difficulty eating, swats at me and makes peeps most of the time to communicate or yells.  I can also see the good things in her though.   She shares well, she likes to hold her sister's hand, she enjoys being dressed and wearing a bow in her hair, she wants to be held, though it is hard for her.  She smiles at you and looks for your smile, she can be silly, she wants to sing, she's GREAT at signing, she can take her dolly and make it clap and dance, she gives kisses, and, like me, she really likes food. : )  Both of my daughters compete for attention a little bit.  It's normal and ok.  But, please, don't fall so hard for one that you make the big mistake of missing out on getting to know the other.  They're both really fantastic and I can't believe the blessings I have gotten in having these two girls as my daughters.  God made them each so perfectly and they've taught me so much over the past two years already and teach me something new everyday.  I can't wait for you to meet them!

And no, those are not capris - we forgot to pull her pant legs down for the pictures - you have to move FAST when photographing these girls!

Things I'm Glad I Brought:

* I Pad for pictures 

* Water

* Sanitizing wipes (y'all, a public restroom is a public restroom, but this is a time when you have to do more than just put tissue paper on the seat... and there is no tissue paper)

* Baby wipes - no tissue paper in the restroom

* Baby carriers 

Things I Wish I'd Brought:

* Sunglasses for myself and the girls - it was so nice to see the sun!

* A better knowledge for the garden and how it was laid out.  I would have enjoyed exploring it more and staying a little longer than we did

* It started to get very crowded, as we went on a Sunday.  A weekday may have been better for children who become overstimulated.  Come as early in the AM as you can.

Prayers/Praises:

* The girls' illnesses are much better- no more coughing spells

* Our families from our travel group made it home safe (one is still traveling for pleasure)!  Yay!

* FL is NOT sleeping through the night, or at naptime.  So, we aren't either (except C - she's sleeping great and waking up happy).

* FL will not sleep in the crib or in the bed.  That leaves the floor and this won't work at home, plus, the floor is no place for a little girl (or her aching, old parents). 

* FL has had many big tantrums, but they are getting shorter and less physical as of today.

* Please pray for our girls as we prepare and travel to Hong Kong in a few days and travel home.  This big change will be very stressful on both of them, as we can't make them understand what is happening or what home is.

* FL is great at signing - I think she's starting to make the connections as a language as well! : )

Thanks for reading!  We're a day closer to home!

 

Day 17 (Medical Appointment, Guangdong Museum, Lunch Out)

Well, ready or not, the medical appointment is here!  We were supposed to go on Friday, but because of all of the different people from our agency travelling in and out at different times, our guide moved our appointment to Saturday.  Saturday appointments are usually very crowded, so we were told to be up, dressed, fed and ready to go by 8:30 - not always easy as new parents to two two-year-olds that eat slow, but we did it!  We even got good sleep the night before with minimal coughing on the girls' part!  Thanks for your prayers!

I was really frightened by the medical appointment because the girls have been sick (It could potentially delay us if they had fever), you hear stories of them taking the children into a room and shutting the door to draw blood (and the children screaming in terror) and most people talk of having to wait there FOREVER and how miserable they were.  You also hear about how they have Christmas decorations up there year round, which is both random and true.  And there is a wine dispenser of all things!  So you know it has got to be bad!

Well, the girls did cry, but not much, and we were in and out in a little over an hour because we were the first ones there!  And, no, we didn't buy any wine. : )  Neither child had a fever (which I knew) and no one said anything about their cough, which is much better.  I think FL may have had one small coughing spell in the night, but that was it.  Thanks again for the prayers! 

We were told (though I am pretty sure I heard her) that C did not cry at all for the blood draw ( yes, they take them away and shut the door for the blood draw) until she saw me.  They felt that that was really something special and wonderful.  Crying is viewed very differently here for adults and children.  On C's Forever Family Day they (office/orphanage personel) were upset that she (and I) were crying and told me to get up off the couch where I was holding her and take her to play so she would stop - I did what they said (which didn't really work) as far as walking her, but I felt like loosing your family was a pretty legitimate reason to cry loudly.  This week, C was crying about stumbling over something one afternoon (I had picked her up to hold her) and our guide immediately gave her a piece of chocolate... which Sam and I later got rid of.  It is just a little different.

All this to say in short that the medical appointment went well and we will know the results of the blood test soon (TB).

After the appointment, our guide asked us if we were up to going to the Guangdong Museum downtown, then lunch, which we were unprepared for as far as baby carriers and lunch supplies, but we went anyway and had a great time!  We saw the history of the area, dinosaur skeletons, common plants and animals and natural resources.  It was a nice museum that gave us a good overview of FL's province.  A Chinese high school student stopped us and asked if she could follow along to improve her English, which we all happily agreed to!  We used strollers from the museum for the girls as neither wanted to walk and we had not brought the carriers. I wish we had had them, though, because it was really too much for FL.  She became so overstimulated by the lights, sounds and everything really that her eyes just glazed over and she shut down and didn't make a peep the entire time.  Going from an environment that is mostly the same and very small every day to all that's happened to her in the past few days is A LOT for a little tiny girl.  You'd think that a museum would be a quiet, peaceful place, but for someone with her background, it really is too much.  I felt bad that I didn't think about it before, but there it is.  C, on the other hand, got bored with it all and sang and talked to herself most of the time when she wasn't charming the guide or other people. : )

After the museum, we went back to a restaurant where we had been before to try some different dishes.  It wasn't my favorite, but it certainly wasn't bad either.  The girls were very good after such a long morning and this time I made sure that they didn't wear "death bows" like we had before! 

Once back at the hotel we went to the room for the girls' nap.  C went down fine, as they were both very tired, but FL did not.  All of the hard stuff of the day came out and I had to hold her, with Sam right beside us as she raged for over 30 minutes.  It didn't include biting or hitting, but in the only way she could, she told us that the morning had been too much and she was scared.  This is not abnormal behavior for a child that has spent the first years of her life in an orphanage, so I wasn't really surprised by it.  However, it was really hard to watch her scream and thrash for that long without stopping, but we needed to hold her through it.  It isn't that she was mad at us, it was that she was overstimulated and frigtened by the days events.  It doesn't make her a "bad" child, it just shows that she's a broken one that is in such need of a family to love her.  It also makes me wonder if she has ever been held while she fell asleep.  

I honestly felt that she needed to scream it all out after what has happened  and what she has lost over the past few days.  C had her day yesterday, so FL could certainly take 30 minutes or more to be sad and scared. 

She woke up several times during her nap crying, but each time one of us was there (C fell asleep during all of this, if you were wondering) and she eventually got in some very good sleep.  C woke up before FL from her nap with a hearty "MAMA!" and a smile on her face, so we had some nice time together looking at pictures on the I Pad while Sam and FL slept (Sam sort of slept - C kept shouting for him to look at the pictures he was in - "OOOOOOH!  PAPA!" - I don't know how FL slept through it).  FL woke up from her nap happy too, which was a relief, so we all got ready to walk to some shops to find the girls some decent shoes.  Only C got shoes, which she was soooo excited about, she kept stopping and picking up one foot and yelling for one of us to look at it!  She tried to put them on again before bed too, so I think we have a shoe girl on our hands!  She's definitely a priss!

FL got a little overstimulated at the shop, so we didn't stay long and went to the play area after shopping, which was good for both girls and us!

So that's a wrap - not many pictures today as I forgot the I Pad!

Things I'm Glad I brought:

* Sanitizing wipes - that restaurant bathroom left me speechless and covered in...

* Hand sanitizer - don't leave home without it!

* THings for the girls to play with at the medical appointment (coloring books, their dolls)

* Lollipops - the sucking action is soothing and FL really needed it as she got very upset at the appointment.  C just stuck hers in her hair and mine.

* Dresses - they make you take off the children's clothes at the appointment.  With their dresses we just had to lift them up and take off their stockings.

THIngs I Wish I'd Brought:

* Tissues and or napkins - many restrooms don't have tissue, as was the case today.  Most resturants don't have napkins and/or they charge for them

* The bag that had the girls' meal supplies in it (bibs, placemats, etc.)

Prayers/Praises:

* I think the girls and I are on the mend - keep praying!

* For FL and C as they transition into our family.  THough it is the best thing for them, they don't understand that and it is not easy for any of us no matter how it may look. 

* For Sam and I as we try to figure out how to parent our girls in the best way possible

Thank you and Much love!

The girls did have a great time spinning in some bowls tonight!  Yes, we are running out of fun things to do in our hotel room!!!

Day 16 (Free Day)

Another day behind us, only a few more to go, right?  I really am having trouble remembering what day of the week and day of the month it is - Sam, too!  However, we are finally sleeping better, which is nice.

After today, we are the last family from our original group to be here.  It was really sad to say goodbye, but I am so glad that the people in our group were so wonderful that they will make us miss them so much!  Goodbye, U family, G family and P family!  Thank you for the last minute gifts of diapers and wipes - that will save us a trip to the store and a lot of money! : )  We love you all so much and are so glad we journeyed with you.  You made this trip fantastic, more beautiful and more bearable in the harder times.  A special shout out to little H - we sang songs in the van all the way home (aka the hotel) in honor of you - thank you for letting your little light shine!  Mistah Eedah and Sammy Brown love you (and C and FL, too!)!

We had a restful day, and that was a good thing because C had a really hard day.  I am not sure what was going on (probably the fact that her whole world was rocked 2 weeks ago), but she had 4 or 5 major meltdowns today.  FL had her first big one as well, so I am glad nothing was planned for today!  I tell you about this because adoption isn't all roses and sunshine - there are some really hard things.  To be quite honest, I haven't shared many of them that we've encountered because I am not sure where the balance is in providing information that may help someone in the future and my daughters' privacy. It doesn't bother me to share, but they may look back in the future and wish that I hadn't shared so much.

Anyway, we had a low key day with some hard parts and I think Sam and I were feeling kind of "done" as well.  With our friends leaving that made it just a little bit more difficult, but, again, I'm glad to have met them and shared most of the journey with them!

We did get some play time in with our friends because of the sunshine, so that was really nice!  We also had lots of play time in the room.

Everyone LOVES Papa!  Mama?  Well, she's nice and all, but she has rules and stuff and isn't as loud as Papa when she plays with us... : )

 We eat lunch in our room nearly every day - it is a very nice hotel, but mealtime can feel a little cramped.  I thought I'd show you a little of what it looks like:

  C sits on a side table since she has more muscle tone and doesn't need as much support.  FL eats in this giant wooden chair that looks like a throne!  Sam and I take turns feeding FL and eating in the chair.  It's usually too much effort for me to sit down because I end up getting up right away, so I stand. : )

 Don't take my picture, Mama!

I don't know how to cook these green beans, but they are AWESOME!  Even C eats them, and her foster family said she doesn't like vegetables (we are now pushing her to try things other that bread and noodles and she will eat them : ))!

FL eats pretty much anything that we will give her.  She was just getting bottles and congee, but she eats so well that we have to be careful that we don't overload her mouth.  Because of that, we really can't let her feed herself right now.  We ask her to "open" so we can check to see what is in her mouth, have her sign "more" and "please" to have another bite (not every time, but it beats getting yelled and grunted at! : )).  We give her small bites and chew with her.  For future cleft mamas out there, she has celfts on both sides, one that is really wide and one that is quite narrow.  The larger goes back and up as far as I can see (when she cries), not sure about the narrow one.  Occassionally, a piece of food will come out of her nose, but rarely.  She doesn't drool hardly at all, does try to vocalize, is great with signing (not sure she fully connects it with what we are doing, but imitates them great) and sometimes I can understand what she is saying.  Her clefts were considered severe, I believe and we think they may have had to do some reconstruction and grafting to make her nose and upper lip, but we will know for sure once we are home and have some Dr. appointments.  We have no trouble feeding her whatever and, to be quite honest, didn't bring anything special or make any special preparations for feeding or caring for her.  We did have to enlarge the hole in the bottle nipple because it was taking her 30 minutes to eat it.  She doesn't suck, but mashes it with her mouth and gets the job done.  Other than that, the only thing I do special for her as far as eating is to space out how much I give her per mouthful and how often (this is something that you might have to do for a non-cleft child, too).  She eats her gummy vitamins (omega 3s) and multi vitamins that are hard like flintstone vitamins without a problem.  I have even accidentally given them to her at the same time and we had no trouble. : )  Both girls have survived all of my "mommy fails" so far, so take heart, mothers to be and don't worry too much! : )

As for C, she's almost too easy sometimes, like having one of my friends' children over.  She understands me so well I have to remind myself that she doesn't speak english and not to move too fast or expect too much from her.  It is hard, though, because she has cuaght on SO quickly.  Another difference between foster and orphanage children, I suppose.

We didn't go anywhere, so I don't have any recommendations today, except make good friends on your trip and find places to eat around your hotel! : )  You'll need both!

Prayers/Praises:

* Please pray for us to parent our girls the best we can through these difficult and different emtional meltdowns

* Pray for continued health for Sam, for me to rebound and stay healthy and the girls to get better quickly

* Hooray for our friends travelling home (travel mercies!) and the children who now have families forever!

Thanks for reading!

Day 15 (shopping With Ann, Dinner, Nighttime Walk Through Guangzhou)

We saw the sun, however briefly, this morning!  It was the first time we've seen it since leaving Beijing!  The girls are both doing ok, though their colds/coughs have not improved.  We are really hoping and praying that the antibiotics will kick  in quickly and the girls will pass their medical exams so we can come home on time.  A fever would prevent this, a cough might.  I am thinking that FLora Lin came to us much sicker than we thought, but hoping all of the evidence of that is wrong. Despite being sick, things are still going ok.

I had my own little adventure today in the form of shopping!  Yay!  THe girls both love Sam, so I was able to go by myself and shop with Ann of The Red Thread!  I was nervous about venturing out without Sam with a stranger, but one second after meeting Ann, and you know she's the sweetest person in the world!  I went shopping to get gifts for friends at home and for the girls as they grow up and when you shop with Ann, you shop wholesale!  It was much more fun than I imagined, and I wish I would have shopped longer.  I have no idea where we went (four or five different places, including the pearl and jade market), but I have never seen so much fun stuff and could have spent a lot more money than I did!  I wanted everything, but Ann moves fast and we stuck to my list.  The shops were colorful and packed with different items - everything you could think of!  Since I was the only foreigner (instead of a large group with a bunch of children) in a sea of Asian people, I really felt like I got to see the true culture a little more, since we didn't stick out so much.  Ann is sweet, wonderful and the happiest mother to be in the world!  She's a little over 3 months pregnant, but is about to burst with excitement and pride!  One of the things I really enjoyed about shopping with her was just getting to talk to her and hear about her life and the culture of the people around her.  If you have the opportunity to shop with her in Guangzhou, PLEASE DO IT!  I so enjoyed getting out, seeing the shops (I want to go back!) and talking with Ann.  She was very open and easy to talk to.  I learned a lot in a little bit of time.

I should have taken more pictures!  These don't do it justice at all!

Once I got back, the girls were up from their naps, so we went down to the play area to meet some friends for playtime!  It is always much more fun with friends!  I dressed the girls in outfits with white bows to match, abd our guide told me not to do that again because people will think they are going to a funeral...  as much as that doesn't really bother me (they stare anyway, right?), our guide is the kind of person you say, "ok" to and don't ask too many questions! : )

The girls with their "death" bows...  Their shoes make their feet look a little bit like pink potatoes, don't you think?  : )

She WON'T smile for pictures!

Little H and Flora Lin having a deep conversation.  The girls both have jackets on mostly because they have colds and culturally, they dress much, much warmer here.  They fuss at you if your children aren't bundled up, but I rarely wear a jacket.

In the evening, our guide took us to a Cantonese restaurant, which was very good!  Unlike our other guides, she and the driver sat and ate with us (which we enjoyed!).  Apparently, this province is a little more relaxed in different ways.  It might be that in the other provinces, culturally it wasn't appropriate for us to eat together?  Not sure, but either way, the food was very good again, and I don't ever eat Chinese  food in the US.  : ) 

After dinner, we walked around near the Pearl River and saw all of the beautifully lit buildings downtown.  It really is a clean and attractive city from what we saw.  The girls did great and enjoyed the time out walking. : )

THIngs I am glad that I Brought:

* Sanitizing wipes for those trips to the restaurant restroom!  C needed them!

* Silicone placemats for the girls - these have been GREAT and we take them everywhere and use them for every meal.  We never have to worry about the girls making a mess or the surface being clean

* Silicone bibs for the girls - they have a pocket to catch stray food.  When you are done you just wipe them out and reuse!  Super easy.

* My travel purse for the shopping trip - it has a place for everything and yet is still small

THings I Wish I'd Brought:

* Can't think of anything today! : ) Maybe a gift for Ann?  They LOVE scented hand sanitizer in the pocket size, BTW.  They can't get it over here.

Prayer Requests:

* travelling mercies for the families on their way home

* the girls are still struggling with coughs and colds - the back of FL's through looks terrible!  Pray they feel better soon and pass the medical exam on Saturday

* Sam is healthy (yay!) still and I am holding steady with a sore throat - pray we stay healthy this next week!

Thanks for reading!  Anything you'd like us to talk about more?  Questions?

Day 14 (Police Station - Passport Photo)

Today was another relatively low key day.  Our appointment wasn't until 2:45, so we had the morning to do what we wished, lunch, naptime, appointment, then farewell dinner with our Beijing Family Travel Group.

The hotel has an indoor playroom (which, though sparse, is fantastic when you just need a break from the room and it is raining outside), and we saw some friends in there and let the children burn off some energy.  It is also nice because there are usually other adoptive families using it and you get to talk to another adult that is on the same type of journey as you and totally gets it. : )  We had some playtime before lunch and then a short walk outside in the courtyard where the girls refused to look at the camera and smile (C is really not a fan of having her picture taken).

This was the smile I got after poking her cheeks a bunch of times...  total fake smile.  : )

Our appointment at the Police Station was super easy.  In fact, I missed most of the important stuff (taking the passport photo) because I was in the restroom with C! This is probably TMI, but if you're travelling to adopt, you need to be prepared for trouble in the number  department with your adopted child.  I brought NOTHING for constipation problems, but was thankfully well supplied by people in the travel group with pureed prune pouches, raisins and individually wrapped prunes.  You can get them here, but they have the pits in them.

So I was in the restroom with C, she was having her "big moment" and the potty was a squatty potty, there were urine puddles on the floor, I was holding C over it, trying to keep her from messing up her clothes and our guide was behind me (C and I couldn't both fit in the stall with the door closed, so I have to leave it open) hurrying us, "Is she done yet?"  "Is she peeing?" "Here's some paper!"  "Let's go - she's done!"  "Clean her up!" "Is she ok?!" "Come on - we'll be late!" And it was one of those moments that you just can't hurry...  you know?!  And I just wanted to wash my hands and sanitize Cs shoes!  Anyway, everything came out ok (ha ha), but I missed the passport picture, and FL was unhappy because C and I were missing, so there you have it. : )  

We had our final dinner together with the D and U family that have been with us since Beijing.  They are each adopting one child, so they will be leaving the 13th and 14th.  I can't express how wonderful it has been to journey together and how supportive and helpful they have been.  They'll always be a part of our story and lives!  We love you and will miss you!   We are so thankful for you!

Things I Glad I Brought (Yesterday and Today):

* Little books and coloring books for the waiting between appointments/interviews (it's hard for the little ones to just sit quietly and wait)

* Sanitizing wipes and purell!!!!

* Snacks - nothing helps the little ones wait like a yummy snack, esp when you don't know how long you'll be there

* Sippy cup for C - FL gets plenty of liquids from her bottle feedings, but C has dropped her bottles and the Sippy often helps comfort her (and hydrate her) when things get a bit overwhelming

Things I Wished I'd Brought:

* water for me - now that both girls are with us, we have so much stuff that you hate to haul anything else around

* a diaper bag - we just don't have a designated bag for the girls and we are constantly packing and repacking Sam's backpack or a plastic bag with what we might need and we always manage to forget something!  It would be easier to have something to grab and go that was ready all of the time

* Shoes for the girls - the leather slippers are really nice, but I'd really like something that I could wipe down and haven't had time to get something here.  Estimate, but two different sizes and leave the tags on so you can return if need be! :)

* Prunes, raisins, children's laxatives

* Cough medicine for children - even though they are approved by the FDA to take it because of their age, they can take a smaller dose.  I wish I had known this and brought it!  Bring the medicines they tell you to - you don't always have easy access to a store that sells it here and when you need it, you NEED it!

Prayer Requests/Praises:

* Travelling mercies for all of the families going home!  It is a long flight!

* Hooray for all of the children who now have forever families!  It's a great thing!

* The girls are both sick and having coughing spells at night that can last for 30 min or more - we have a medical examination on Saturday and they need to pass!  Plus, I hate that they are sick and none of us are getting a solid 8 hours of sleep a night.  We started antibiotics - pray they kick in ASAP!

* We are thankful that eventhough they are sick, they are still sweet girls. : )

* I am possibly catching what the girls have - I don't have time to be sick!  Pray that Sam stays healthy and I fight off the sore throat and cough!

* We are ready to come home.  Pray they days pass quickly and that we make the most of this time!

Day 13 - (Civil Affairs Appointments)

Toady was our first full day as a family!  Sam has been fantastic and helpful and supportive and I can't say enough good things about him as a dad!  I couldn't imagine doing this without him!

THe girls both slept well, except for lots of coughing last night.  I didn't sleep one bit, except for about 30 minutes before I got up, so I was VERY tired.  THe girls' coughing and worrying about them and things at home kept me up.  Thankfully we didn't have a full days' schedule.

Both girls are getting along well, though I am not sure that C likes so much of the attention divided.  All and all, I would have to give her credit and say she's done great.

The Civil Affairs appointments were such a different experience than what we had in Guizhou (If I ever adopt again, that's where I want to go back to!).  We were in the same room as the day before, and I thought FL might have a melt down, but she was almost in shut down mode and very quiet.  C, on the other hand, had a melt down when I asked her to come back and sit in a chair and then physically put her in it when she didn't.  It was very similar to the one in the airport, but not quite as big or long, thankfully.  I had to hold her while she screamed and kicked and talked to her softly.  You'd think that I'd be embarrassed, but its funny that when you are in the moment like that you are totally focused on your child and don't even notice what is going on around you.

We had to take a family picture with just FL for her adoption certificate, check over spelling on the forms, answer questions from the Civil Affairs Officer and have another interview with the Notary (notaries are big deals in China, almost like a judge would be in the US).  They asked us why we wanted to adopt from China, if we had any children biologically, if we could or couldn't have children, if we were going to abandon FL, if we were going to abuse FL (I know, I know, but you have to calmly and simply answer the questions), asked if we would promise to care for her the rest of her life, what we each did for a living, how much we made each year and the notary wanted to know all about C, which is something that is really starting to bother me here (the partiality and attention she recieves) and I might write about another time.

After all of that, we were done for the day and went back to the hotel.  I don't have any pictures because I was so focused on the children and the mood was a little tense there.  However, I'm glad it is behind us and we had a good day afterwards. : )

Day 12 - (S Island, Forever Family Day Flora Lin)

What a great day for Sam and Charlotte bonding!  As we shopped in the market place (huge store with several floors) and journeyed to the Island, C rode with Sam and hung out with him most of the day.  I was right there of course, but stepped back a little bit and let him do a good bit of her care.

I enjoyed the market, but was kind of overwhelmed by the size of it, and we were only taken to 3 places (which was fine).  Most of the children did not enjoy waiting around while we shopped, but everyone did their best to keep them entertained.

I did buy C and FL some things at a little embroidery shop.   Nothing very fancy, but I haven't gotten them much yet.  C enjoyed holding the bag.

THe other thing the children really enjoyed was waiting for the bus. :)  THey made a little American obstacle course for the people on the sidewalk to get through.

The island was pretty, but the shopping there was not what I expected (we had 15 minutes in one shop), but it wasw good for all of the children to get out and be able to move around some.  Another milestone of the day was that C ate a banana, which we were told she absolutely hated!  I was glad to finally get some fruit in her - noodles and rice are the only thigs she has been eating consistently.  C started calling Sam a"baba" which when pronounced a certain way, means dad.  I think I got two "mamas." : )  She also enjoyed playing with some of the other children a little bit more.  It was really good to see.

We had lunch at a Cantonese restaurant.  It was very, very good!  Everyone at our table really enjoyed it!

Once we got back to the hotel, it was time to prep for FLora Lin! I had been a ball of nerves all day and really wasn't feeling good, but little C was so excited about these circles she made from ribbon that it proved to be a good distraction! : )

FFamily Day was completely different than the one in Guizhou.  I felt unprepared, unorganized, rushed and extremely nervous.  THe D family came with us to take pictures and possibly help with C and I was so glad they were there, not just because of the pictures, but also the moral support.  THank you!

Flora Lin was not there when we arrived, but the scene seemed like total chaos.  THere were at least 10 families meeting their children that day, it was hot, lots of crying, no place to really set down our things and our guide was asking me to sign and check all kinds of paperwork that I knew nothing about (Sam's been handling all of it).  I had no place to write but on the floor or a ping pong table that was covered in spongy velveteen.  We also forgot our list of questions for the people we might meet that day, which really upset us both, but there was nothing to be done.

C started to cry and we asked our guide to tell her why we were there and that we were not going to leave her.  It seemed to reassure her and she settled back down.

I was first to see FL.  She and a worker from the orphanage took the 7 hour journey together.  She was so cute and I had to be careful not to rush in and scare her, as I knew she'd had a hard day already.  I knelt down in front of her and started talking about the aniamls on the skirt of her dress.  She slowly warmed up to me and our guide told me to pick her up and bring her over to start the paperwork.  She, of course, didn't want to go with me and cried and arched back.  I didn't mind that at I, but I felt like we were in such a rush to do paperwork that I couldn't focus on her, but had to hold her and try and sign papers on top of the velveteen table (which went about as well as you're thinking it did). The next thing  knew, we were told to get answers to our questions (which we'd forgot).  We asked what the relationship of the worker and FL were and were told that the kind lady worked in the office.  We then knew that she wouldn't know the answers to the questions that we really truly wanted to know.  Sure, we got what her feeding/sleeping schedule was, but we knew that this worker (who was very nice) would not know who her best friends were, what made her happy and sad, what her favorite toy was, etc.  It was more than a little sad that we couldn't capture that for her.  

Also, what I really, really struggled with and am still struggling with, is the sharp contrast between C and FL's beginnings and FFamily Days.  C went from being surrounded by a loving family that spent a lot of money and time getting her hair cut, cleaning her up and buying her an elaborate and expensive outfit and presents for her day to a family that will do the same.  She was loved and cherished and thrived.  Every day I see something different that they taught or invested in her that has made all the difference.  

My FL came in worn clothing (which I am 100 percent ok with), a dirty diaper (I understand), teeth that are in such bad shape (I knew this, but I wasn't prepared) a skin issue and a chest cold that they probably wound't have mentioned if I hadn't asked (I could feel it rattling in her chest).  THey did give us back the things we sent to her, a small gift, some bread and candy and some artwork that she made (I am so excited about).  I know that many, many people along the way have poured whatever they could into FL, but the bottom line is that children need to be in loving families.  They don't thrive in orphanages.  I am seeing the evidence of that right before my very eyes and it is hard and unfair.  I don't like writing it or thinking about it, but I am now raising two daughters that have spend the first part of their lives in such very different ways and it is impossible to ignore the outcome.  However, I know that God has gotten us all this far and the story is NOT over.  I am thankful for that. 

Fl cried some for the caregiver when I was holding her, but she didn't do anything like biting or kicking or screaming.  I made sure this time that our guide had the caregiver hold her, tell her that we were her parents and that she was ok with this and this is what she wanted and then hand her back.  There was a little fussing on FL's part but nothing big.  And then it was over, just like that, and we got in an elevator and left that chaotic place.

After our FFamily Day, we went to the Carrefour (like wal-mart).  I have never been through a store faster or with a child that I didn't know strapped to me before.  It was surreal, and our guide was pushing us to finish quickly and emotionally I was all over the place, trying to process the last 45 minutes and this new person.  I can only imagine how FL felt.

We arrived back at the hotel after getting stuck in a traffic jam on a one way street.  YOu know it's bad when your driver turns off the car and gets out.  Again, thank goodness for the D family.  I'm glad there was someone else to talk to while we were stuck and to make us laugh.  

In our room, we went through our normal routine and left the girls play a little before bathtime.  THey played well and took a bath together well.  FOr bedtime, we put them on the bed to play and just let them fall asleep while we read books and then put them in their spots.

It was a busy, chaotic day - not at what I expected.  YOu can read the blogs, books and watch the you tube videos, but it is never like you would think.    It's still wonderful, but very surreal. 

 

THings I am Glad I Brought:

* a pen - no one ever seems to have one (bring black)

* generic gerber puffs (I didn't have to worry about her eating too many at once with her cleft since they dissolve

* baby carrier

* a list of things you might need at the store

* lollipops - they helped in calming both of our girls

* Friends to take pictures - I can't stress this enough - you can be so much more "there" for your child if you don't have to worry about pictures or videos.  Find someone!  Pay them if you have to!  You won't regret it!

THings I Wished I'd Brought:

* a list of questions to ask the person bringing FL

* something to write on

* a more rested self (I didn't sleep the night before and haven't been unless I take a benadryl)

Keep praying for the girls to recover from their colds, for Sam and I to stay well, and for us to focus on the blessings of being here for three weeks.  I am really beginning to miss home.  I am thankful for all of the other adoptive families here, though.  You are never truly alone and people understand what you are going through.  

Thanks for reading!