Charlotte Nicole Xiao Ping

 I've had many friends and family ask about our girls, their special needs and pictures of them, of course!  First, we want to be very careful about sharing the parts of our daughters' stories that started before we ever knew them.  It is not our story to tell.  Those details belong to our girls and it is our job to protect them and keep their stories private until they are old enough to understand them and tell them on their own.  Now, we don't think they have anything to be ashamed of (quite the opposite, actually) or hide, but, again, the story of their beginnings belongs to them, not us.  I treasure each little detail that we do know and if it were up to me, I'd share it all!  Second, our children's pictures are precious to us.  It has been SO HARD for me not to plaster them all over social media, etc.  however, once those images are out there, we lose control over how they are shared, who shares them and what they do with them.  That scares me, so until I decide the best way to handle it, you won't see the girls on face book!  thank you so much for respecting our privacy and decisions.  Your support, respect and understanding of our choices means a lot to us!

Now, more about Charlotte!

Charlotte was our second daughter to be matched with, as she is on the Special Focus Child List from China, comprised of children who have moderate to severe special needs, some uncorrectable.  If you wish two adopt two children from China, at least one must be from the Special Focus List.  The other child can also be from the Special Focus List, or it can be from the Waiting Child List (children with mild to moderate correctable special needs) or the Healthy Child List.  Since it takes YEARS (8 to 10 is the estimate at this point) to be matched with a healthy child from China and months to years (depending on the age, gender and special need) to be matched with a waiting child you must be matched with your child from the Healthy OR Waiting Child list FIRST before you are matched with your Special Focus Child.  We felt with us being first time parents, we would better handle a child from the Waiting Child List and one from the Special Focus List.  

We are equally happy, blessed and overjoyed with BOTH of our daughters!

Our daughter's name is Charlotte Nicole Xiao Ping.  She has a full American name, as she is fully American, and a full Chinese name as she is also fully Chinese!  When she is older she can choose to drop (or keep) any part of her name that she would like.  

Charlotte is the feminine form of Charles (Sam's Dad).  I had a great, great, great grandmother, Elizabeth Charlotte who immigrated from England to America in the 1800's, much like this little girl will immigrate from China.  Nicole is my middle name, which I am very happy to pass on!  Xiao (pronounced shee-ow) means little or young in Chinese.  Ping means stable, peaceful.  Sam and I thought about changing her Chinese name at first since the meanings didn't seem very significant like Flora Lin's, but realized that was HER name and kept it as it was.    I have since learned that the meanings are VERY special and significant!  Through this "little, young" child, God has taught me to have "steady" faith in HIM and given me His "peace" that surpasses all understanding during the difficulties of waiting for her Referral  Acceptance Letter and many other paperwork trials.  Xiao Ping, indeed! 

 

Charlotte is about two and a half years old, has lived in an orphanage, hospital and foster home.  She also endured open heart surgery in Beijing as a little eleven month old baby!  She's been through so much already in her little life!  

Her surgery was an attempt to repair her heart defect, called Tetralogy of Fallot (TOF or Tet.).  It is a four part defect:  ventricular septal defect (VSD), pulmonary stenosis, an overly muscular right ventricle and the aorta lies directly over the VSD.

VSD is a large hole between the two ventricles.  The hole lets the blood in the body that is blue (venous blood) pass from the right ventricle into the left one.  From there is goes to the aorta, then the body.  This can give the child a blue/purple look (cyanosis) that is more prominent when the child cries or exerts him/her self because the blood doesn't get the chance to pass through the lungs where it with be oxygenated and carry that oxygen to the other parts of the body.

The pulmonary stenosis is a narrowing at the pulmonary valve, or right below it.  The venous blood is not able to flow freely to the lungs as it should because of the narrowing in this area.  

Credit:  American Heart Association.  'If your child has a CHD:  A  Guide for Parents

Because of these defects, not enough oxygenated blood reaches the body, and our bodies need oxygen!  The children will have blue spells with rapid breathing, sometimes faint during exercise or have fainting spells.  Most  children, like Charlotte, have this operation before they are school age.  Some children need a shunt put in as babies so that they may grow enough for the repair to be done when they are older.  Charlotte lived past that stage and had her full operation at eleven months of age.  From what we can tell in her file's translation, her operation included closing the VSD, reducing the thickness of the right ventricular muscle, opening and patching the pulmonary valve (due to the pulmonary stenosis).  In her file, it tells us that the operation was successful, even though her pulmonary valve is still leaking "plentiful."  Because that valve is abnormally narrow, the right ventricle has to work 110 % harder (or much more) to keep pumping the blood to the body.  Our right ventricles work only 100% because they are able to pump all of the blood out of the ventricle at one time.  Charlotte's heart pumps all of the blood out, but because her valve is defective (it doesn't cover the whole opening of the pulmonary valve), some of the blood falls/leaks back out into the right ventricle, which now has a whole new set of blood to pump out in addition to what didn't make it though the time before.  This stretches the ventricle and causes the muscle to thicken again. (think about the arm muscles of someone who lifts weights.  When they first started, their muscles only did what they needed to accomplish in a day.  Once weights were added, their muscles had to burn more calories and exert more energy to accomplish the task.  The person working out keeps wanting to challenge their muscles, adds more weights and the muscles get bigger and bigger.  That person may have to eat more because they are burning more calories and need more energy to keep going. Charlotte's heart is like this weight lifter, except her little heart doesn't get much of a break!).  This requires more energy than a person without this challenge, so Charlotte may tire easily.  She'll also burn more calories and expend more energy just to move the blood through her body.  Her heart has to keep working harder and harder and harder to pump all of that blood through!  It makes me tired just thinking of it! 

Charlotte's heart will eventually outgrow the repair and she will need a second open heart surgery in her mid to late teens.  Every few years or so after, she will require a valve replacement as the pulmonary valve will wear out.

 So, what of the quality of life for this little one?  How long will she live?  Can she have a family of her own?  

We will know much more about the state of her heart and the TOF once we can get her home and evaluated by a pediatric cardiologist here.  The information we have is outdated and has been translated, so we don't know if we have a complete, current set of facts to work with.  The wonderful pediatric cardiologist that helped us understand Charlotte's condition, operation and possible prognosis gave us hope.  Back in the 50's, this heart defect was a death sentence.  Medicine has evolved so much since then that children with TOF can live a fairly normal life, get married, have children (if they are women :)) and live into their seventies (maybe longer - depends on many things).  Our cardiologist gave us further hope by reminding us that advances are being made in medicine every day and who knows what type of technology will be available when Charlotte has her second operation!  It could be her last operation (in a good way) or even less invasive.  There's hope!

I think the biggest challenge for both Sam and myself will be knowing when and how to set limits for Charlotte physically.  She won't be a varsity soccer player.  It's just too much for her little heart.  She won't be an Olympic athlete.  I'll have to keep an eye on her when she's trying to keep up with her sweet cousin (same age) and our spicy little Chinese tornado, Flora Lin (who I think is going to keep us ALL on our toes!). 

 I don't want to be that mom putting a hand on her child's shoulder:

"Slow down."  

"Take a little rest."  

"That's too much."  

"No, you can't join the team."  

"I'm sorry you can't keep up, honey."

"It's too hot for you to play outside."

"You can't do that."

I hate the thought of telling her, "You can't."  

So, I might let her.  

I'll have to balance my mommy fears with my strong wishes of letting her live her wonderful life to the fullest.  That's going to be my challenge.

My other big challenge will be trying to restrain myself from pinching those cute, chubby cheeks!

There are other challenges and unknowns ahead for Charlotte, including some genetic testing for other disorders that come with TOF.  She doesn't appear to have any signs of those from her file, pictures or videos, but we won't know for sure until she comes home and we have the tests run.  I am not going to go into all of that at this time, but will address it later.  I tell you now because I covet your prayers for our sweet daughter and for us as we set out to parent two precious little girls that mean so much to us and will need so much from us.

And we want to give them everything they need... plus a few dolls, princess dresses and a pony (or two or three?!)...

  Because you can't say no to THAT face!!!  

The reality is, though, that I can't fix my children.  It's not my job.  It's not Sam's job.  Or C's cardiologist or FL's craniofacial surgeon's job.

It's my job to love and parent them to the best of my ability.  It's God's job to fix them and love them in ways that I can't.  The real special need that we all have is a need for God's love and fulfillment in Him.

 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, ¹⁷ so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, ¹⁸ may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, ¹⁹ and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.  -- Ephesians 3:16-19

I've said it before, and I'll never stop saying it:  We LOVE you, Lottie Pie and Lin-Lin.  You are worth so very much and have brought us so much happiness already.  We write this not only for our own memories, but for yours.  We also write it for the parents of future children like C and FL.  May you know that you are never alone!  

Together

To my girls, Charlotte and Flora Lin.  As I was making cookies this weekend, I thought of how we'd be doing this together someday soon.  I picture you both sitting on the big counter top, flour everywhere, sugar spilled on the floor, something sweet in each of your mouths as we watch the mixer put it all togther.  Papa asks every five minutes if there is anything he needs to taste test.  We all act a little too silly because we've had way too much sugar, but that's ok today.

Not every day or moment or memory will be sweet, but this one will.  We've got so many good times ahead!

 ~  ~  ~

I think of you every day, in all ways, both bad times and great ones, big ways and small ones.  On rainy days, when there's nothing to do but make something.  Or bake something.  We'll do this all together, soon.

All of us, our family, we are separated right now.  Your mama and papa are across the ocean, half a world away.  Two sisters are separated but mountains, rivers and orphanage gates.  Each of us, in a separate place.

 

It seemed so big at first.  How could all of our broken hearts be fixed?  How would it all come together?  How would this mess ever be something good?    How could God take all of this, this that doesn't seem to work together, and make it good?

 

 I felt so mixed up sometimes.  So did your papa.  So did each of you.  

There were still sweet times.  Good times.  But there was always something missing.  

Things didn't seem like they would ever come together.  Sometimes they felt like they would fall apart even more.

 

 

 But now we know where all the pieces are.  We know what the pieces are.  We know what we need to bring us together.  To make it right.  To make life even sweeter.  

No, it won't be perfect.  There are times that situations will seem to be a little too hard or too fragile or just plain wrong in our lives together.  

And then we will look back to what once seemed so impossible and remember how...

 

   

How it finally came together. 

 

It is beginning to come together now.  It is beginning to make sense a little bit.  

I know you can't see it now.  I know it won't seem right when you first are separated from everything you've ever known.  I know, sweet one, that you'll feel more broken than ever.  Torn apart.

 

But, sometimes in life we have to take a little (or a lot) of heat.  So far, you've done that alone.  

Too many times.  

There won't always be answers to the whys of our hard times.  But, we'll be there with you.  

We'll all be together.  

 

We'll soon become a family.  We'll go through mix ups and things that don't make sense together.  And that will make life so much sweeter.

It will all be right in the end, don't worry.  

God's got this.  He's got us.

And always remember, if it's not ok yet, then it's not the end, because in the end, God wins.  We're together with Him.  

We can never be separated from Him or His love.

Together.

And we'll always be there to remind you of that, girls...  with a hug and a reassuring word... and maybe a glass of milk and a plate of warm cookies.

Care Packages!

Sam and I are ALWAYS eager and happy to recieve any and all updates on our girls.  We look forward to them, as they really lift our spirits!  How could they not?  THey're such cute, special children!  :)

Last week, we took it upon ourselves to send the girls an "update" on who their parents are!  Both Social Welfare Institutes (orphanages) are aware that they have a family coming for them, but they know nothing about us.  They have no information to prepare the children (not that you can grasp what adoption means at two years of age), so, though a service, we sent them some - an update, if you will! :)

There is a service called The Red Thread that puts together care packages for children in Chinese Social Welfare Institutes.  We used this service because we want the people who are caring for our children to know how much we appreciate the love they have put into the girls.  We also want the girls to be able to look back and see that we were thinking of them (ALL THE TIME) and sent them a little something!  Mostly, we wanted to be able to send pictures of ourselves and our home so that they might be a little better prepared to meet two overly excited Americans that have longed and waited for them since they were created!

We chose to send a food gift, a picture album and a thumb drive (we sent the thumb drive so the people caring for our children can download any and all pictures they have of the girls and of the places they grew up and the people they drew up with).   A 400 word letter was also included in the package.  It was MUCH harder to write than I thought it would be...  I mean, what do you say to a two year old and the people that have been caring for them in only 400 words?!

Here's Charlotte's care package.  We originally wanted to send a cake for her whole foster family and/or preschool friends to share, but it was way out of our budget (along with so many other things I wanted to send!!!

 

As you can see, our letter has been translated into Chinese.  We had to keep the language of the letter fairly simple so that nothing would be lost or misinterpreted in translation.  We chose to send a special Chinese treat called "moon cakes" that are made with lard and have a boiled egg in the center.  :)  The Mid-Autumn Festival is coming up, and we thought this would be an appropriate gift to send to her foster family, though the SWI (orphanage) may keep it.  I once thought I might attempt to make moon cakes myself for Chinese New Year...  they are sooooo complicated and require a lot of ingredients (probably expensive) that I'm not sure where to find!  Plus, they really don't sound very yummy to me, if I'm being perfectly honest.  :)  Maybe I'll make them with the girls some day when they're older!  Or maybe we'll just make chocolate chip cookies!

Next up is Flora Lin's package!  It is almost exactly the same, except for the treat.  We chose individually wrapped candies for her package because they could easily be shared with the many children in her SWI and the caregivers that are her family.  Again, we REALLY wanted to send a cake for her to share with everyone, but it just wasn't affordable.  :(   We'll make lots of cakes at home, though. :)

  

You've probably noticed the "Who Loves Baby" album and wondered what was in it (as in, did we send them a picture of you, loyal reader :)).  We only had six spots for pictures in the album, so we kept it fairly simple.  We chose two pictures of Sam and I together, a double picture of one parent individually and with a pet (we've got pets everywhere, so they need to be prepared!), one of their room and one of their new sister!  Once we are home, we hope to put together an album with all of our fantastic friends and family in it, so feel free to send us your favorite picture of you. :)

 

Anne, who owns The Red Thread service, labeled all of the pictures for us in Chinese.  Hopefully, this will clear up any confusion if they think they are pictures of us visiting a petting zoo! :)  

We hope that when we meet each of our daughters on their Gotcha days that they will bring with them a thumb drive full of pictures of their life in China and a worn and well loved photo album of two people who love and care for them more than they will EVER know!

Lin-Lin and Lottie Pie, we love and miss you soooo much!  We can't wait to start the rest of our lives with you and make moon cakes, cookies, mud pies or apple pies or whatever pies you want! :)

We're going to have so much fun together!

Unexpected Blessings

We've been the recipients of many blessings, big and small, over the past few months.   And I am here to tell you that the little acts of kindness from friends and family that have really helped to get us through some of the tougher days! 

Thank you, friends and family, for letting God's love shine through you -you've made this journey a happy one!

Part of a grandmother's job is to spoil her grandchildren...  And it has joyfully begun!  Yes, I had fun playing and dressing these American Girl Dolls!  ;)

I have to confess that I've been pony shopping on the sly for the girls.   Sam is thankful that a sweet friend snagged this pony for Flora Lin and Charlotte!  He's safe to ride and requires no clean up!

My Dad built some shelves to retro-fit this old wardrobe into a preschool closet.  A fantastic friend donated BOXES of preschool learning materials for us to use!  This little wardrobe is now FULL!  The Leaning A Farm Preschool is ready for its two cute little students!

I have a long-time friend who is great with sewing, making something from nothing and doesn't back down from a challenge - which makes her a perfect help for my sewing projects!  And she has a lovely assistant!

See?  Fantastic curtains!

Perfect pillows!

More awesome curtains upgraded by my friend!

 My Aunt Suzan sent a prayer shawl made by her church - it came at the perfect time!  We can't wait to get the girls home and literally wrap them up in prayers!

And I saved the best for last...  A sweet student made this portrait of my horse, Kahlo!  I loved it sooooo much that I knew it would be perfect hanging in the girls' room.  Thank you, little C!

So there you have it, a post full of blessings! :)