Florence Joy Miao Lin!

I’ve had many friends and family ask about our girls, their special needs (we all have them, y’all) and pictures, of course!    First, we want to be very careful about sharing the parts of our daughters’ stories that began before we ever knew them.  It is not our story to tell.  Those details belong to our girls and it is our job to protect them and keep their stories private until they are old enough to understand them and tell it on their own.  Now, we don’t think they have anything to be ashamed of or hide, but, again, the story of their beginnings belongs to them, not us.  I treasure each little detail that we do know, and, if it were up to me, I’d share it all!  Second, our children’s pictures are precious to us.  It has been SO HARD for me not to plaster them all over social media, etc.  However, once those images are out there, we lose control over how they are shared, who shares them and what they do with them.  That scares me, so until I decide the best way to handle it, you won’t see the girls on face book!  Someone that I don’t know somehow got a hold of a picture of my horse on face book and is sharing it.  It made me really uncomfortable, and that was just my horse!  

Now, onto the story!

Flora Lin was our first daughter to be matched with, so I’d like to start with sharing a little bit more about my sweet girl and what an inspiration she is to me.

Flora Lin Referral Photo (Sept. 2013)

Our daughter’s name is Florence Joy Miao Lin (Flora Lin for short!).  Florence is for a relative (very cool story- a post in its self!).  Joy is for the joy she brought us and is so evident in her referral pictures.  Miao (sounds like me ow) means wonderful and is part of her Chinese name.  Lin means pretty jade (jade is precious in China like gold is in the US) and is also part of the Chinese name she was given. She’s both wonderful and pretty!  We chose to keep her Chinese name because it is part of her and her culture.  We also wanted to give her a full American name as she will be both fully American (and Chinese)!  When she is older she can choose to drop or keep whatever she likes.  Our hope is that she will feel like we did what we could to honor her heritage and do exactly what we would do for a child that was born to us biologically.  We think it is a beautiful name full of meaning!

Flora Lin is two years old, has lived in two different orphanages, has already had two surgeries to correct her bilateral cleft lip (her palate is unrepaired at this point) and has a smile that lights up a room!  When Sam and I first saw her picture that is what struck us the most – her bright, beautiful smile!  It was evident that she had joy – something that Sam and I have prayed the girls would have from the very beginning – despite the fact that her little life has been anything but easy.

With bilateral cleft lip and Palate it makes it very difficult (impossible, really) for a baby to nurse or suck on a bottle.  In turn, it makes it very, very difficult to feed or care for a baby with cleft lip and palate.  So, understandably, her early growth and development was very slow.  Once Flora Lin had her first surgery at about a year of age, her growth and development began to improve.  Caretakers at the orphanage noted that she screamed the loudest for food if they didn’t feed her first, so, they always fed her FIRST!  I love knowing that about her.  I love that she has a little fight in her.  I love that she never gave up.  However, I also hate knowing that about her.  I hate that my daughter had to scream loudest.  I hate that she had to scream.  I hate that she had to.  Babies shouldn’t have to fight to survive.  But I love that my girl is a fighter and she won’t give up.  I won’t go into detail about how difficult it was for my daughter early in life.  She doesn’t seem like a little one that wants pity from what we know, but a little one that is determined to live.  When I look at that smile and the joy in her beautiful eyes I feel like I can do almost anything!  I love her!

What will life be like for Flora Lin?  

Are you going to have her lip fixed?

What happened to her?

These are some of the questions we get when we show people her pictures.  Let me tell you what has happened and what we think the future will hold for us all as a family. 

Our Precious Daughter!

 

 Flora Lin was born with bilateral (both sides) cleft lip and bilateral cleft palate.  As a fetus, our lips and palates slowly close as we develop.  For whatever reason (nutrition, environmental pollution, genetics), Flora Lin’s did not.  This can all be fixed!  In fact, Flora Lin’s clefts in her lip have been closed.  She had her second surgery in January of this year.  In the first pictures we received, the left side of her lip was still unrepaired.  I’ve often heard other families express that they missed their child’s cleft once it was closed.  I never really understood this until I saw updated videos of Flora Lin late in March – I missed that cleft and big smile!  I think she’s absolutely precious either way.  In fact, if her clefts wouldn’t affect her speech and eating, I might not even want them repaired!  I never thought I’d say that, but I mean it with my whole heart!  

Here she is a few months after her surgery!

Once we’ve been home for about one to three months, Flora Lin will have surgery to close her palate and place tubes in her ears (the open palate affects the ears and the muscles that open and close inside of them).  If that all goes well, she won’t have another surgery until she’s about five years old.  This surgery will be cosmetic in nature, to clean up any scarring that is excessive. From there we don’t expect anything else until she’s between the ages of eight and ten.  That surgery will be more involved.  Flora Lin does have a break in her gum line and will need a bone graft to repair it.  The bone is usually taken from the leg.  It is possible that she will need more surgeries, but we won’t know those details most likely until we meet with the CL/CP surgery team in Birmingham.  In addition to surgery, we also anticipate speech therapy on a regular basis.  CL/CP kids can’t suck or blow and that does play into how we speak.  She’ll need help learning how to use her new palate once it is repaired!  It won’t be easy.  We anticipate that she will be very frustrated at times because she can’t communicate as clearly as she would like, so we are trying to learn some sign language to help her along.   Many parents and experts have told us that kids can sign much earlier than they can speak, so we see this as a very positive way to communicate and lessen frustration for both of our daughters, as neither one knows any English!  In fact, Flora Lin is from a province that speaks Cantonese instead of the more common Mandarin!  

The orphanage has given us a few updates on Flora Lin. From what they have told us she is independent, knows how to manipulate others, strong willed, doesn’t like to be corrected, a little selfish (who isn’t?!) and, in their words “quite lovable”!  Sounds like a normal two year old to me! J 

As for what happened to Flora Lin, how things began… we really don’t know the whole story and most likely never will.  This is a huge loss for our daughter.  There is nothing we can do to replace her first family, but we can love her as our precious child ( I cannot wait!).  We know a few details of her short life before the orphanage, but those details are part of HER story, not yours or mine.  As much as I would like to (as I love her story like it is a physical part of her), that is not my job.  As Flora Lin grows older, we will tell her what she can handle at an age appropriate level.  

One thing I would like to make clear to my wonderful readers:  we think and talk about our children’s birth families with respect.  We ask you to think and talk about them with respect as well.  After all, they chose LIFE!  Though we don’t want to add things to our children’s stories that are not there, we believe that our children were cared for very much, based on a few details that we know.  It will only hurt our children to speak of their first families, culture and communities in a negative light.  If you have questions or concerns, please ask (but privately please)! Children are sensitive.  When they are old enough, you can ask them yourself!

Again, we are so excited about our Florence Joy Miao Lin – Flora Lin!  She has already blessed us in more ways than we can count!  I can’t believe that I get to be her mama!

Such Joy!