Day 12 - (S Island, Forever Family Day Flora Lin)

What a great day for Sam and Charlotte bonding!  As we shopped in the market place (huge store with several floors) and journeyed to the Island, C rode with Sam and hung out with him most of the day.  I was right there of course, but stepped back a little bit and let him do a good bit of her care.

I enjoyed the market, but was kind of overwhelmed by the size of it, and we were only taken to 3 places (which was fine).  Most of the children did not enjoy waiting around while we shopped, but everyone did their best to keep them entertained.

I did buy C and FL some things at a little embroidery shop.   Nothing very fancy, but I haven't gotten them much yet.  C enjoyed holding the bag.

THe other thing the children really enjoyed was waiting for the bus. :)  THey made a little American obstacle course for the people on the sidewalk to get through.

The island was pretty, but the shopping there was not what I expected (we had 15 minutes in one shop), but it wasw good for all of the children to get out and be able to move around some.  Another milestone of the day was that C ate a banana, which we were told she absolutely hated!  I was glad to finally get some fruit in her - noodles and rice are the only thigs she has been eating consistently.  C started calling Sam a"baba" which when pronounced a certain way, means dad.  I think I got two "mamas." : )  She also enjoyed playing with some of the other children a little bit more.  It was really good to see.

We had lunch at a Cantonese restaurant.  It was very, very good!  Everyone at our table really enjoyed it!

Once we got back to the hotel, it was time to prep for FLora Lin! I had been a ball of nerves all day and really wasn't feeling good, but little C was so excited about these circles she made from ribbon that it proved to be a good distraction! : )

FFamily Day was completely different than the one in Guizhou.  I felt unprepared, unorganized, rushed and extremely nervous.  THe D family came with us to take pictures and possibly help with C and I was so glad they were there, not just because of the pictures, but also the moral support.  THank you!

Flora Lin was not there when we arrived, but the scene seemed like total chaos.  THere were at least 10 families meeting their children that day, it was hot, lots of crying, no place to really set down our things and our guide was asking me to sign and check all kinds of paperwork that I knew nothing about (Sam's been handling all of it).  I had no place to write but on the floor or a ping pong table that was covered in spongy velveteen.  We also forgot our list of questions for the people we might meet that day, which really upset us both, but there was nothing to be done.

C started to cry and we asked our guide to tell her why we were there and that we were not going to leave her.  It seemed to reassure her and she settled back down.

I was first to see FL.  She and a worker from the orphanage took the 7 hour journey together.  She was so cute and I had to be careful not to rush in and scare her, as I knew she'd had a hard day already.  I knelt down in front of her and started talking about the aniamls on the skirt of her dress.  She slowly warmed up to me and our guide told me to pick her up and bring her over to start the paperwork.  She, of course, didn't want to go with me and cried and arched back.  I didn't mind that at I, but I felt like we were in such a rush to do paperwork that I couldn't focus on her, but had to hold her and try and sign papers on top of the velveteen table (which went about as well as you're thinking it did). The next thing  knew, we were told to get answers to our questions (which we'd forgot).  We asked what the relationship of the worker and FL were and were told that the kind lady worked in the office.  We then knew that she wouldn't know the answers to the questions that we really truly wanted to know.  Sure, we got what her feeding/sleeping schedule was, but we knew that this worker (who was very nice) would not know who her best friends were, what made her happy and sad, what her favorite toy was, etc.  It was more than a little sad that we couldn't capture that for her.  

Also, what I really, really struggled with and am still struggling with, is the sharp contrast between C and FL's beginnings and FFamily Days.  C went from being surrounded by a loving family that spent a lot of money and time getting her hair cut, cleaning her up and buying her an elaborate and expensive outfit and presents for her day to a family that will do the same.  She was loved and cherished and thrived.  Every day I see something different that they taught or invested in her that has made all the difference.  

My FL came in worn clothing (which I am 100 percent ok with), a dirty diaper (I understand), teeth that are in such bad shape (I knew this, but I wasn't prepared) a skin issue and a chest cold that they probably wound't have mentioned if I hadn't asked (I could feel it rattling in her chest).  THey did give us back the things we sent to her, a small gift, some bread and candy and some artwork that she made (I am so excited about).  I know that many, many people along the way have poured whatever they could into FL, but the bottom line is that children need to be in loving families.  They don't thrive in orphanages.  I am seeing the evidence of that right before my very eyes and it is hard and unfair.  I don't like writing it or thinking about it, but I am now raising two daughters that have spend the first part of their lives in such very different ways and it is impossible to ignore the outcome.  However, I know that God has gotten us all this far and the story is NOT over.  I am thankful for that. 

Fl cried some for the caregiver when I was holding her, but she didn't do anything like biting or kicking or screaming.  I made sure this time that our guide had the caregiver hold her, tell her that we were her parents and that she was ok with this and this is what she wanted and then hand her back.  There was a little fussing on FL's part but nothing big.  And then it was over, just like that, and we got in an elevator and left that chaotic place.

After our FFamily Day, we went to the Carrefour (like wal-mart).  I have never been through a store faster or with a child that I didn't know strapped to me before.  It was surreal, and our guide was pushing us to finish quickly and emotionally I was all over the place, trying to process the last 45 minutes and this new person.  I can only imagine how FL felt.

We arrived back at the hotel after getting stuck in a traffic jam on a one way street.  YOu know it's bad when your driver turns off the car and gets out.  Again, thank goodness for the D family.  I'm glad there was someone else to talk to while we were stuck and to make us laugh.  

In our room, we went through our normal routine and left the girls play a little before bathtime.  THey played well and took a bath together well.  FOr bedtime, we put them on the bed to play and just let them fall asleep while we read books and then put them in their spots.

It was a busy, chaotic day - not at what I expected.  YOu can read the blogs, books and watch the you tube videos, but it is never like you would think.    It's still wonderful, but very surreal. 

 

THings I am Glad I Brought:

* a pen - no one ever seems to have one (bring black)

* generic gerber puffs (I didn't have to worry about her eating too many at once with her cleft since they dissolve

* baby carrier

* a list of things you might need at the store

* lollipops - they helped in calming both of our girls

* Friends to take pictures - I can't stress this enough - you can be so much more "there" for your child if you don't have to worry about pictures or videos.  Find someone!  Pay them if you have to!  You won't regret it!

THings I Wished I'd Brought:

* a list of questions to ask the person bringing FL

* something to write on

* a more rested self (I didn't sleep the night before and haven't been unless I take a benadryl)

Keep praying for the girls to recover from their colds, for Sam and I to stay well, and for us to focus on the blessings of being here for three weeks.  I am really beginning to miss home.  I am thankful for all of the other adoptive families here, though.  You are never truly alone and people understand what you are going through.  

Thanks for reading!