Still Waiting?

So, we are still waiting on Charlotte's RA (referral acceptance document) to come from Ch*na.  I did call our agency just to check on things and ask a few questions about travel and our timeline.   Obviously, the longer it takes the RA to come, the longer it will be until we travel.   Flora Lin's paperwork has been done and ready for over a month, so it's upsetting that she is having to wait longer and be without her family.   We *could*  go ahead and travel to get her, but that would mean me leaving her later (thus disrupting the attachment process greatly) ,  me travelling by myself the second time (NOT GOOD! We're such a great team!) and coming up with travel expenses for the second trip (we're talking well into the thousands here) .  So, we wait.   It can take anywhere from two to four months for an RA to come, so it's amazing that Flora Lin's came in two weeks.   We are at the two month mark with Charlotte's RA.  The earliest we would travel would be three months from now.  Every week that the RA doesn't come starts that three month travel time over again.   So, we are kind of living in some sort of adoption Groundhog Day... :)
I have really been struggling with the wait, as most of you know, over the past two weeks.   On top of that, I found out a typhoon hit Flora Lin's orphanage and surrounding area.  They are reportedly ok, but it hurts to know my little one, who's gone through too much alone already, went through a scary storm without a mama or papa to hug and kiss her and reassure her that everything will be ok. 
Thankfully, I'm coping with the waiting blues and frustration much better this week.   God's given me His peace and I have finally stopped trying to take control over something I can't understand (we'll see how long that lasts! :)). 
Someone once said something to the effect of, "Enjoy the season you are in- don't wish it away for the next. "  I feel like I'm at the point where I can do that right now.   Truthfully, I am choosing to have only good days, REALLY good days and GREAT days! :)  It's a choice, I am blessed to be at this point in the adoption process, I'm getting TWO precious girls (Lord willing) and I have such wonderful family and friends that make each day something special.  ;)  Stop laughing, y'all!  I'm going to ride this wave as far as it will take me!!!  
Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful.  ~ Hebrews 10:23
(Read verse 24, too, just because! It's a good one! )

Worth the Wait

A while back, I promised you for more information about our second daughter, Charlotte.  I plan on fulfilling that promise, but haven't received the official "OK, you can share it on social media" go ahead from our agency yet. : )
 Truthfully, we are kind of stuck in "wait mode" again.  AGAIN.  If you know anything about adoption, you know there's a mountain of paperwork and government hoops to jump through (most of it very necessary and in place to protect the child from more trauma).  We are waiting on a single piece of paper to come from China called Referral Acceptance, or RA.  To me, it basically says, "Do you want this child? Check yes or no."  And, yes, there's a little box to check for both of those options.
Flora Lin's RA came in record time and flew through the US checkpoints and is all ready to go.  Charlotte's is still somewhere in China.  It is taking much longer to come. Hopefully, it didn't fall behind someone's desk, accidentally get thrown away or chewed up in a postage machine...   These are the things that a waiting mama thinks about though, when she can't help it.   But these worries are beginning to consume my thoughts and grow into fear.  That's not OK.  Thankfully, I serve a living God who's in ALL of the details  and has seen this struggle.  God has been using this wait time to teach me about waiting with patience, trusting in Him to take care of His perfect plan and NOT WORRYING - SO HARD FOR ME!
This morning I was filled with worry and a need to control this situation.  I sat down to do my morning devotional.  My verse for today was from Psalm 62:5 NLT:

  Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in Him.

All that I am.  

Wait quietly.  

Hope in Him. 

It's difficult, but it's true and I'm trying and failing and trying again.  All of me, quietly, hoping.

As a future adoptive mama, I know that this is the easy side of the journey.  The tough hasn't come yet. Now is the time to practice this quiet, waiting hope.  There will be set backs, unknown things that surface, developmental challenges, heartbreaking grieving and much more.  God is using this time to prepare this strong-willed, silent rebel to gently parent two precious children from hard places.  And though I want to charge into it with a battle-cry and a flaming torch, that's not what He's asking of me right now.  So, here I am, ceasing my struggle for control.  Learning to quiet my soul with His help as I stand before Him.  And I will wait and hope as long as it takes...  because Flora Lin and Charlotte are worth it...  because I love my God and I have hope!

 

Florence Joy Miao Lin!

I’ve had many friends and family ask about our girls, their special needs (we all have them, y’all) and pictures, of course!    First, we want to be very careful about sharing the parts of our daughters’ stories that began before we ever knew them.  It is not our story to tell.  Those details belong to our girls and it is our job to protect them and keep their stories private until they are old enough to understand them and tell it on their own.  Now, we don’t think they have anything to be ashamed of or hide, but, again, the story of their beginnings belongs to them, not us.  I treasure each little detail that we do know, and, if it were up to me, I’d share it all!  Second, our children’s pictures are precious to us.  It has been SO HARD for me not to plaster them all over social media, etc.  However, once those images are out there, we lose control over how they are shared, who shares them and what they do with them.  That scares me, so until I decide the best way to handle it, you won’t see the girls on face book!  Someone that I don’t know somehow got a hold of a picture of my horse on face book and is sharing it.  It made me really uncomfortable, and that was just my horse!  

Now, onto the story!

Flora Lin was our first daughter to be matched with, so I’d like to start with sharing a little bit more about my sweet girl and what an inspiration she is to me.

Flora Lin Referral Photo (Sept. 2013)

Our daughter’s name is Florence Joy Miao Lin (Flora Lin for short!).  Florence is for a relative (very cool story- a post in its self!).  Joy is for the joy she brought us and is so evident in her referral pictures.  Miao (sounds like me ow) means wonderful and is part of her Chinese name.  Lin means pretty jade (jade is precious in China like gold is in the US) and is also part of the Chinese name she was given. She’s both wonderful and pretty!  We chose to keep her Chinese name because it is part of her and her culture.  We also wanted to give her a full American name as she will be both fully American (and Chinese)!  When she is older she can choose to drop or keep whatever she likes.  Our hope is that she will feel like we did what we could to honor her heritage and do exactly what we would do for a child that was born to us biologically.  We think it is a beautiful name full of meaning!

Flora Lin is two years old, has lived in two different orphanages, has already had two surgeries to correct her bilateral cleft lip (her palate is unrepaired at this point) and has a smile that lights up a room!  When Sam and I first saw her picture that is what struck us the most – her bright, beautiful smile!  It was evident that she had joy – something that Sam and I have prayed the girls would have from the very beginning – despite the fact that her little life has been anything but easy.

With bilateral cleft lip and Palate it makes it very difficult (impossible, really) for a baby to nurse or suck on a bottle.  In turn, it makes it very, very difficult to feed or care for a baby with cleft lip and palate.  So, understandably, her early growth and development was very slow.  Once Flora Lin had her first surgery at about a year of age, her growth and development began to improve.  Caretakers at the orphanage noted that she screamed the loudest for food if they didn’t feed her first, so, they always fed her FIRST!  I love knowing that about her.  I love that she has a little fight in her.  I love that she never gave up.  However, I also hate knowing that about her.  I hate that my daughter had to scream loudest.  I hate that she had to scream.  I hate that she had to.  Babies shouldn’t have to fight to survive.  But I love that my girl is a fighter and she won’t give up.  I won’t go into detail about how difficult it was for my daughter early in life.  She doesn’t seem like a little one that wants pity from what we know, but a little one that is determined to live.  When I look at that smile and the joy in her beautiful eyes I feel like I can do almost anything!  I love her!

What will life be like for Flora Lin?  

Are you going to have her lip fixed?

What happened to her?

These are some of the questions we get when we show people her pictures.  Let me tell you what has happened and what we think the future will hold for us all as a family. 

Our Precious Daughter!

 

 Flora Lin was born with bilateral (both sides) cleft lip and bilateral cleft palate.  As a fetus, our lips and palates slowly close as we develop.  For whatever reason (nutrition, environmental pollution, genetics), Flora Lin’s did not.  This can all be fixed!  In fact, Flora Lin’s clefts in her lip have been closed.  She had her second surgery in January of this year.  In the first pictures we received, the left side of her lip was still unrepaired.  I’ve often heard other families express that they missed their child’s cleft once it was closed.  I never really understood this until I saw updated videos of Flora Lin late in March – I missed that cleft and big smile!  I think she’s absolutely precious either way.  In fact, if her clefts wouldn’t affect her speech and eating, I might not even want them repaired!  I never thought I’d say that, but I mean it with my whole heart!  

Here she is a few months after her surgery!

Once we’ve been home for about one to three months, Flora Lin will have surgery to close her palate and place tubes in her ears (the open palate affects the ears and the muscles that open and close inside of them).  If that all goes well, she won’t have another surgery until she’s about five years old.  This surgery will be cosmetic in nature, to clean up any scarring that is excessive. From there we don’t expect anything else until she’s between the ages of eight and ten.  That surgery will be more involved.  Flora Lin does have a break in her gum line and will need a bone graft to repair it.  The bone is usually taken from the leg.  It is possible that she will need more surgeries, but we won’t know those details most likely until we meet with the CL/CP surgery team in Birmingham.  In addition to surgery, we also anticipate speech therapy on a regular basis.  CL/CP kids can’t suck or blow and that does play into how we speak.  She’ll need help learning how to use her new palate once it is repaired!  It won’t be easy.  We anticipate that she will be very frustrated at times because she can’t communicate as clearly as she would like, so we are trying to learn some sign language to help her along.   Many parents and experts have told us that kids can sign much earlier than they can speak, so we see this as a very positive way to communicate and lessen frustration for both of our daughters, as neither one knows any English!  In fact, Flora Lin is from a province that speaks Cantonese instead of the more common Mandarin!  

The orphanage has given us a few updates on Flora Lin. From what they have told us she is independent, knows how to manipulate others, strong willed, doesn’t like to be corrected, a little selfish (who isn’t?!) and, in their words “quite lovable”!  Sounds like a normal two year old to me! J 

As for what happened to Flora Lin, how things began… we really don’t know the whole story and most likely never will.  This is a huge loss for our daughter.  There is nothing we can do to replace her first family, but we can love her as our precious child ( I cannot wait!).  We know a few details of her short life before the orphanage, but those details are part of HER story, not yours or mine.  As much as I would like to (as I love her story like it is a physical part of her), that is not my job.  As Flora Lin grows older, we will tell her what she can handle at an age appropriate level.  

One thing I would like to make clear to my wonderful readers:  we think and talk about our children’s birth families with respect.  We ask you to think and talk about them with respect as well.  After all, they chose LIFE!  Though we don’t want to add things to our children’s stories that are not there, we believe that our children were cared for very much, based on a few details that we know.  It will only hurt our children to speak of their first families, culture and communities in a negative light.  If you have questions or concerns, please ask (but privately please)! Children are sensitive.  When they are old enough, you can ask them yourself!

Again, we are so excited about our Florence Joy Miao Lin – Flora Lin!  She has already blessed us in more ways than we can count!  I can’t believe that I get to be her mama!

Such Joy!

 

How Did It Happen?

I am writing this memory for my daughters so they can know how it all began, and for my Flora Lin especially, so she can know how her mama first found out about her.

Monday, March 17th, 7:50 AM.  It was raining.  Again.  I was sitting in my car, listening to the radio, not wanting to start work just yet and about to cry.  I don't know what prompted it.  Probably a combination of the incessant rain, cold and a song or two on the radio, but I thought about it every day and when I wasn't thinking about it, I was doing everything I could not to think about it.

Flashback to January, middle of the month (not sure when because I didn't want to remember when). Sam and I had anxiously been waiting to be matched with a child.  September, November, December flew by.  When? When?  WHEN?!  I finally convinced him to call the agency and ask when they thought it might be.  Days, weeks or months?  In his ever gentle manner he broke the news to me one night on our living room couch.  Another six to eighteen months for a match.  We'd already been in this process for at least a year and a half, wanting a child for at least seven years.   The thought of having to wait a year to two more years to have a child of my own was just too much.  I've never much liked January, much less February.  Mostly because of the weather, though.  To say this was hard would be an understatement.  I think only those who have longed for a child for years can truly understand.  I called my mom, sobbing.  I never call my mom, sobbing.  The last time I did that I was in college, homesick and maybe had a little too much to drink.  You can ask her yourself.   

So this brings us back to me in the car, at 7:50 on a Monday morning, outside of my workplace, ready to cry (something that people everywhere can relate to, at least on a Monday morning).

I was on the verge of feeling crushed and the prospect of waiting so long just felt too heavy.  So, I prayed to my God.  I cried and I told Him that I had faith that He would give me the strength to wait as long as He wanted me to wait, but I poured out my heart that I didn't think I could wait much longer.  I told Him my heart was broken, but He already knew that.  He is "the God that really sees" after all.  I got out of the car.  I made it through the work day.  I did it all again the next day, including making it through the rain and cold.  I told my sweet husband that my heart was sad and I needed something to distract me and make me happy. 

On Wednesday, I ordered eight fluffy, little baby chicks to be delivered to my local post office.  We live on twenty acres and we're cool like that.  I was happy.  My co-workers and my dad thought I was nuts.  My husband knew I was nuts.  I knew I needed something to love besides seven horses, two cats, two dogs and a husband.

That was Wednesday morning, March 19th.  The sun finally came out that day.  It was a beautiful, picture-perfect spring day in the south.  My heart felt almost happy.  I remember getting out of my car that morning and thanking God that finally, finally the rain had stopped and the sun had come out.
Later that day, I went upstairs to eat my lunch, about 1:15.  I was looking at a few blogs on my phone, reading contently, enjoying my break.  My phone rang.  It was a strange number.  Maybe the agency?  No.  They had no reason to be calling and I was not going to set myself up for dissapointment.  If it was something important they'd leave a message.  I kept on reading blogs, and heard my phone chime that I had a message.  I told myself I would check in a bit.  My phone rang.  It was my husband's number.  I knew.  I knew.

The conversation went something like this:
Me:  WHAT?! ( I never answer his calls like that, by the way.  I always like to talk to him. )
Sam:  The agency called.
M:  NO THEY DIDN'T.  What did they want?!
S:  We have a referral  (this means they have the file and picture of a child they think you'd like to adopt).
M:  NO THEY DON'T.
S:  Yes, they do, Honey.
M:  NO THEY DON'T.
S: Yes, they do!
M:  We've been matched?  But it might not...  A referral for us?
S:  Yes, honey.

Both of us became tearful at that point and we discussed conference call vs. me coming to his office to be together, which we decided was best.  He asked me if I could drive.  I told him of course I could drive, but truthfully, I wasn't sure!

I hastily got my things together upstairs and started to cry as I ran downstairs.  Feeling as though it could still somehow be taken from me and not wanting to waste any time trying to explain, I told my coworker through tears that everyone was ok, but I was leaving NOW and would be back at some point.  With that I ran through the door (but probably not as gracefully as that sounds...).   I somehow got in my car after dropping my keys multiple times.  I remember being at the intersection of Fairview, Woodley and Cloverdale road, and telling myself that I might have a child, but I might not, but I might, but I couldn't get my hopes up, but I needed to remember what song was on the radio so I could retell this later.  I have no idea what song was on the radio.  I remember driving down Perry Street, thinking how absolutely beautiful the day was.  It wasn't raining anymore.  It was so, so beautiful.  My Winter had finally become Spring.

Sam was waiting for me in the parking lot.  He was pointing to a parking space.  He wanted me to park in a parking space in a parking lot.  I know how to park in a parking space in a parking lot.  I wanted to tell him as much, but remembered that he couldn't hear me in a car in a parking lot when he wasn't in it, too.  I let bygones be bygones and parked in the parking space in the parking lot just like he wanted me to.  We both didn't quite know what to do with ourselves.

We conference called with our agency.  She told us something.  Sam said something.  I couldn't think of one dad blam thing to say.  She said she'd e mail us the file and pictures.  Originally, we said we'd be objective.  We'd be wise and thoughtful and read only the file first.  We'd save the pictures for once we'd analyzed the data and made fifty excell spreadsheets and compared the relative size, shape and colors of the entire world (sweet daughters, this will make you laugh in the future when you know how much happiness an excell spreadsheet brings your father).  The email came into the inbox.  Sam had never scrolled to the bottom of an e mail for picture attachments so fast!

What can I say?  Our reactions to seeing our beautiful Flora Lin's picture for the very first time are recorded on camera for us to remember.  I couldn't believe that I could be so blessed and that The God Who Really Sees could have answered my feeble prayer so quickly, so perfectly, all in His timing.

I love you, Lin Lin (and my Lottie Pie, too!).  You turned my sorrow into JOY, beautiful girl.  Praise God from whom ALL blessings flow.

~ Mama

Charlotte Nicole

We were still floating on air as we were learning more about our daughter.  Our agency was not as optimistic about us getting matched with a second child as we were.  We had until the first of May to get matched or we had to proceed and only be able to adopt our first match on this trip.

On April 4 we sent an email to our agency officially stating our intent to proceed with our adoption of Florence.  I (Sam) was traveling for work and stopped for lunch when I got an email from our agency with a reply to our acceptance.  After the usual info there was a section that caught me by surprise.  It basically asked about a special need that was vague on our list.   If we were open to it she had a little girl for us to review.  

That's big news!!!!  Enjoying a BBQ sandwich suddenly took last place on my priority list.  I started researching the need between bites and then called Michelle as soon as I got to the car.  Michelle was even more excited than I was!  She called our agency and got more information.

The next parts of the story were very, very hard for us.  There were a lot of questions about her condition.  She is less than 2 months older than Florence, which is a big deal with adoptive families.  Our Social Worker wanted us to make sure we were educated on the whole picture.  So we had a phone consultation with our International Adoption Clinic.  We had a consultation with a local specialist.  We talked with other adoptive parents.  We did tons of research.  After all of this, we felt good about going forward.  We were not sure what our Social Worker would think.

Our Social Worker called and asked about our research and said, "OK, I'll get them to release the file."  It was only then that we were able to read more and saw the beautiful face of our daughter.

We finally went 'Public' with Charlotte on Easter Sunday.  It was great to be able to share our second helping of joy with our family and friends.

We just got updated information,  pictures, and video the next day and are thrilled at how well she is doing and how good she looks.

God has taught us a lot about the importance of our dependence on Him and how faith is not about making decisions based on what we can see but stepping out having faith that no matter what, God is with us.

Florence Joy

It has been a long time since our last post.  Up until a little while ago there wasn't much to tell.  We were just waiting for a call ...

Then it came.

March 19 was normal day.  Michelle ordered some baby chickens that morning.  I was at my office when I saw a number that from our agency's area code.  I left my conversation to take it.  We couldn't get Michelle on the line so I had to track her down.  She drove right over and we called back to get the information.  We agreed that we wanted to see the file so we could look over her file, her pictures and make an decision.

It took about 1/2 a second.

Once we saw the photo of this beautiful girl we knew she was our daughter.  She was smiling!  It was apparent that she had JOY.  We were awe struck by God's amazing protection of our daughter and how He had worked all things to join us together.

We managed to print some pictures and surprised both our parents in person to tell them the news.  It was great to share our joy with our family.

Our medical team reviewed everything and for the most part she looked great to them.  By the time we got some more information and VIDEO it appears that she is catching up well.  We watched the videos about 1,000 times a day those first 2 weeks.

We love this little girl who lives across the world.  We can't wait to bring her into our family so that she can join our journey thorough life.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

So, what HAVE we been doing?

It has been SUCH a busy summer!  Sam is either gone or working very diligently on summer programs through his job during the summer months.   I run the farm and home while he's gone,  and in years past,  spend a lot of time working with the horses,  having a summer camp and catching up on household projects.   Generally, I had a good time. :)
This year was different!  I am not teaching,  so I worked full time straight through the summer while doing my best to keep the farm running and the adoption paperwork going.   I am not going to lie...  it was HARD!  I worked a full day on my feet,  then came home to eleven animals (who all took a turn being sick while Sam was away! ) needing my attention and a very weedy vegetable garden!   It was not easy, and I had some difficult moments,  but I am thankful for my family and a friend that stepped in to help.   All that being said, God and my determination to keep making money for the adoption kept me going... but I am NOT doing it that way again next summer!!!  :)  Hopefully we will have the children by then, but in adoption you have to expect the unexpected delays.
Sooooooo,  that's our summer in a nutshell.   On to fall:
Our paperwork is done (until we get a referral) , so we are waiting,  waiting,  waiting.   We've been using this time to get back into a routine after a busy summer and make some small preparations for our children.  One of the preparations we've been working on is designing a safe play area near the barn.  We know it will be a while before they can use it, but it would be great to have it done and ready before they come home.   We are taking any and all suggestions!  A swing set and a sandbox are a must, but where to put it and how to enclose it?  What other play equipment should we include (it does need to be reasonably priced! )?  Do you know anyone that has raised or is raising children on a farm?  What ways can we keep it fun and safe, but still include them in our daily work?   We've purchased a child sized wheelbarrow (modeled by Scout) and a few other things.  Any tips or recommendations?   Please let us know!   We are having fun thinking of all the things they can do on the farm with us!  :)